Remember leaving your field trip slip out on the countertop for your parents to see and waking up to it signed with $20 on top of it before you left for school? I want THAT element of excitement, anticipation and gratification back in my life. I’m trying to figure out how to get it back.
I need something to look forward to…something to keep me going when times get rough. It’s hard to set myself up for that something when you have no clue what you want to do with your life. I used to have big goals and dreams…the kind people secretly want to tell you are impossible to attain. I want to be back in that mind space where I believed anything I wanted, I could do or have. I want to resume the level of confidence that I had in myself 3 years ago when I left for Jersey to pursue my dreams and didn’t look back…knowing that regardless of what happened, I would make it. I had no doubt in my mind.
So now I just pray for my dreams to resurface, or that if I have new ones, that they show themselves to me rather than be blocked by life’s technical and practicalities. I want my dreams back. I want the thrill of wondering what’s going to happen tomorrow when I place that hope in the atmosphere to get noticed and go to sleep knowing it will be fulfilled.