Half asleep, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the day I lost you. This date is one of my most traumatic memories. I couldn’t even bear to work yesterday, so I went home. 

My love for you is so big. To find out I was having you and losing you in the same breath still fucks me up. I could have died with you that day, and sometimes I feel like I should have. Infertility is the kind of thing that makes a woman not feel like one. I often feel useless, worthless because my body wasn’t well enough to protect you. What am I good for if not what God created my body to do? 

Anyway, you are loved. And I am sorry.

SVC 5/17/14


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