I’m so insecure about my illness that I feel like I will never find true love. I feel like no one will ever care to try and understand who I am, why I get upset, why I’m extremely happy, why I’m numb, why I’m energetic, why I’m extremely or unmotivated, why I’m crying, why I’m acting wacky, why I’m distant, why I’m mute…all the emotions I go through in months, weeks, days, hours minutes, seconds…that I can’t even control.
Who will love me enough to have time for the roller coaster that I am? Who will love me enough to see past those things or help me with them? I’m frustrated. I didn’t do this to myself….and I really love someone, but I think he thinks I’m crazy; which definitely ruins my hopes of us ever being anything. Besides, he damn near refuses to tell me how he feels so I don’t even really know if it’s mutual.
I’m kind of over the thought that I’ll be in a loving, happy marriage with a family. One, I’m Bipolar and Two I’m Barren. The 2 Bs that take me from a confident woman to the lowest, useless one I feel like I’m this moment. They make me give up on love and life. It hurts. I hurt. Her 1st bday would be this month. My angel baby. I miss you. This blog is everywhere but I needed to get my pain out.
I’m indeed going to let myself drown in my sorrows tonight and cry myself to bed, but I just want someone to get me and accept the huge flaws I have…but maybe it’s me not allowing anyone to. I honestly don’t know. I just know I hurt, and I’m tired.