The realest love I’ve ever known besides God…I didn’t forget about you, just down here learning how to live without you.
I never knew how much love the heart can hold for someone it never met, touched or felt, but I love you with everything in me. I now understand the phrase, “A Mother’s Love”. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to protect you. I’m sorry that my body wasn’t able to keep you safe…I feel like it’s my fault when I know it’s not. There was nothing I could have done to keep you here. God needed you, and to be honest, I understand your short-lived purpose in my life…to show me a love I have never known.
It kills me to think of who you could have been, how you’d have changed my life and the amount of love I could have given you. I adore you, and I’ve never even met you. It’s crazy and so hard to explain. I can feel you and it’s comforting and painful at the same time.
I didn’t think I’d care. I was so numb when it happened and so in shock that I was even pregnant. I knew the moment it happened but the results kept negating the fact until it was too late. For months I moved on as if I was unphased, but when it kicked in I let out a wailing cry I never knew existed in me. I cry for you all the time. I want you. I’m crying now. Still boggled by the fact that I was in LABOR and in moments you were gone.
I’ll never forget you. I can’t. And I know no one will understand how I feel so I keep it to myself and write these blogs to express what I’m feeling, but you’re so everything to me, Stormii. I’ll continue to marvel at your face in my dreams. -May 17, 2014-