Meh

After Xmas I shut the world out. I haven’t called or text anyone, nor have I read messages from anyone. My phone is permanently on DND, so I get no calls. They go straight to voicemail. At first this was because I had just lost faith in people and in life. Me shutting the world off is a normal mechanism of mine. Some people believe when you’re going through something you should have people by your side, whereas I believe to remove everyone so not to bring forth more negativity. I am my own balance, my own chi. If I can’t get myself together, why should I lean on someone else to. That’s weakness to me.

Anyway, this has been enlightening. I’m realizing who does and doesn’t pay any attention to me. When I’m texting people throughout the week, it’s clearly me who’s initiating conversations because I’ve yet to really hear from anyone. Honestly, if I was here in my apt dead since xmas, no one would even know & that’s crazy to me.

I would like to learn to be more selfish to my needs vs so supportive to everyone else’s. Seems Im the only one not solely focused on themselves. It’s only been a few days but I’m starting to see life differently in general. 25th Bday on the way. No plans. Don’t really want to do anything to be honest but decide to actually live that year for me.

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