….is the very thing that differs a man from a woman. Yes, we have different reproductive organs but only one of us can ACTUALLY reproduce…carry a living, growing, thinking, feeling human being inside of us. God designed us to create life that would someday make an impression on our world and His kingdom. So, being told that you possess the organs to do so but lack the capability makes you feel far less than a woman. In fact, most days I don’t feel like a woman at all; so I do my face and hair really nicely and try to dress appealing so that someone will see me as the least bit attractive because sometimes I don’t feel it.
I have stage 4 endometriosis. It’s a horrific pain physically and mentally that I’ve been dealing with about 12 years now. There’s many things I can deal with, but this isn’t one. Being told I couldn’t have children was by far the worst news I’ve ever received. This is what I live for. This is what I was delivered for…for the chance at a family.
Most days I feel raw. Unnattractive. Unwanted. Useless. No man wants to marry a barren woman. My condition is hard to explain and understand for most. Many people don’t believe it’s even a real thing…it sucks and I literally feel so less than at times. The moments I do feel sexy are rare but I take advantage of them. I’ll take pictures of myself just to remind me in bad days that I’m…everything. I’ll do some “fun” things on the phone with my love who’s really a best friend of mine whom we are madly in love lol. We have fun. What the hell. But most days in just trying really hard to tell myself I’m still just as much feminine with it without the ability.
Some days I have no faith. Some days I have all the faith in the world. My love is willing to be my donor be it that I decide I want to do this my way. I’m strongly considering because I know for a fact I was created to be a mother if nothing else.