I’m glad no one I know actually reads this. I can vent here and strangers will read it, I’ll feel heard and I can move on, versus family and friends who will feel the need to talk about it.
I hurt. I didn’t think I did, but I do a little. I allowed myself to love a man and he manipulated, used and betrayed me in every sense of the word. Thing about it is he warned me, several times and I didn’t believe him. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” It was a constant game of show and tell. Each time I was impressed with what he brought; so much that I never left class. He definitely taught me a thing or two.
The lies were outstanding, thorough and boldfaced. I saw signs long before it blew up in my face. I told myself, “It’s ok, I’m not in that deep. I can get out when I want.” I guess I was in deeper than I thought. I loved him. No one ever made me feel so happy, so appreciated, so heard, so cared for, so sexy, so liberated as a woman. And just as quickly as he brought me up he tore me down. It only took him 6 months to make such a life changing impact on my life.
I can’t get back what I lost…what he took from me, what I put myself through being with him, but I know what to never settle for again. Today it hurts. Today I apologize to my inner self for compromising my needs and wants for “love” and promise to hold myself to a higher standard…for me….for her; so she never settles for anything less than amazing.