Light at the end…

From ages 16-22 I was a lesbian. And for the last 3 of those years I prayed, fasted and begged for deliverance; at some points more or less than others. After being released from my last relationship, I gave it up entirely. I gave God all of me and vowed to stay single and abstinent until I found someone worthy of the type of love I have to give. I never thought I’d actually get it. I definitely never thought it’d be a guy.

Until now, I had been single a year and a half. I’ve also been abstinent going on 14 months. I did this for several reasons, the main ones being: a. Not wanting to jump into something too soon just to cure loneliness; b. Making sure my desires to be with women were gone and that I’m not dating a man out of force; c. I finally realized that I am a temple and that what I allow into my heart, mind and soul can alter my life in ways unimaginable, as I’ve learned in the past.

I used to pray daily that God would send me a mate…someone who would understand my past and not judge me, love me and not change me, be able to deal with my erratic and fickle ways, be my friend and treat me like a princess. The moment I stopped praying, he appeared. The person he sent was someone I least expected, but I couldn’t be more grateful for him. This man loves me about as much as I love myself, and I REALLY love myself. He makes me laugh, is sweet, affectionate, caring, supportive, patient, understanding…I mean, he has to be to still be willing to date a woman practicing abstinence with a dying mother. He makes me smile and blush every single day, and everything I go through, he goes through with me. He’s so selfless, and I don’t know how I got to deserve someone so kind.

I’m learning now how to allow him to love me. This is my first boyfriend and it’s really hard in a lot of ways for ME, but he makes it simple and easy. Loving him is easy. I thank God for placing him in my life in this season because he keeps me sane and whole. Even if this is temporary and we’re both just blessing each other for a season, one thing I can say while dealing with this fcked up life is that I have a damn good man.


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