Another Number

It’s not funny to me when people jokingly say to someone, “You’re so bipolar”, simply because they’ve changed their mind. Changing your mind vs. Uncontrollable, chemically imbalanced mood swings are totally different things. It kind of pisses me TF off. Stop saying that.

For years and years I’ve noticed that every mental disorder gets more attention than mine. I’m not jealous; I just hate that people who struggle with bipolar disorder get treated as if it’s something we can control. Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, ADHD, Schizophrenia, etc. get all this attention and are taken very seriously, but when people think of Bipolar, they think oh, it’s just a temporary mood swing.

Recently actor Lee Thompson Young committed suicide after suffering with bipolar disorder. I hoped it would shed some light on the illness, but it didn’t. I felt so horrible after hearing about it because I myself have been to the point of suicide on multiple occasions due to this illness. After graduating college, I strongly considered admitting myself to a mental facility, but I knew myself or my family couldn’t afford the care I needed. I took another route. I gave up my entire life for God in hopes of healing. That should have been option 1 all along.

The one thing I’d like to explain to people blessed enough to not battle a mental disorder is that it’s not our fault, nor is it in our control. We don’t abuse the fact that we struggle with not being in control of our own thoughts or actions. It’s actually rather embarrassing, but sometimes we are so engulfed in a mood that we can’t even fathom our actions. Mood swings can come and go within minutes, hours, days, weeks or months. They can range from mild to severe. It hurts us more than it hurts you, but either way it hurts. There are times we literally cannot function daily tasks because of it, accomplish things that normally would be simple just because we can’t wrap our brain around the idea of points a and b. It hurts. It CAN make you want to die. I feel like this at least a few times a month. We all do.

I just hope that somehow, a light gets shined on this and that it stops being put in the box of depression. You’re not born depressed, but bipolar disorder is hereditary, which makes it even more important to be educated on it if it runs in your family. I guess, in a way, I want justice for us who suffer. We need more resources than lithium and depression pills. We need an outlet and for people to understand. I want to do something.


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