A Blur

I feel some very strange OBLIGATION to write, however, I have absolutely nothing valuable to say. So here’s some random thoughts.

-Sometimes I feel like a monster for leaving home (Indiana). It seems my mom is getting more and more ill and I left her. I didn’t know it would get this bad, but does that really matter? I contemplate going home. I know exactly how it feels  to be sick and alone, although mine is a mental illness. Anyway, I contemplate going home…I just hope she gets better before I have to really make that decision.

I do like Jersey…in fact, I love it here. I love the east coast as a whole. I love how close I am to all these big cities: NYC, Philly, DC…and Jersey is poppin’ on it’s own. There’s always something going on. I never have the right to say that I’m “bored”. If I’m bored it’s by choice. One of these days, I’m gonna stop being a puss and put myself out there. That’s what I came here for.

My life in a nutshell the last 3 months though: I moved to NJ under the premise my family understood I was looking for a job and schools and that it takes time. I was assured they understood that before I up and left EVERYTHING I’ve ever known. I’m not stupid. I got here, I searched like mad for jobs, I got depressed. My family started treating me funny, I FINALLY got hired for a job, my family told me I had a essentially a month to pack my shit and leave because it was “uncomfortable”. I left before that. I couldn’t bear the living conditions. I was basically homeless for a month. A cousin offered for me to stay with her if I paid rent…and of course before I can give her the first month, I get fired. It’s been a struggle, but I made a friend and she’s really been making life a little easier.

There’ve been boys. There’ve been dates. Most of them were extremely tragic…but I’ve reconnected with an old friend and things are going well so far 🙂 My life is cray right now, but that’s the gist. I have so many ideas in the making right now…you’ll just have to be on the lookout.


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