I’d like to write some really pretty words about how people are only in your life for a season and junk but I don’t feel poetic. I feel angry. I feel hurt. I feel upset. I feel discouraged, and I think marriage is ass.
Marriage changes people entirely. I have yet to see the joy in it from the outside, and I’ve never seen a successful marriage. This discourages me because of course, it’s something that I would like to have ultimately.
1. The Change: I understand that marriage changes you and that you do have to change in order to accommodate essentially your new life. I get that you can’t go some of the places you used to go and do the things you used to do because your decisions now effect someone else, but I feel like the people I know who got married transformed into entirely different people. Nothing about them is the person I once loved. Should your whole personality change? Do I have to look forward to changing who I am inside for the sake of being married?
There’s no doubt that I’m quite naive to all of the things that marriage entails, but I do know that I don’t want to change from the person that people know and love into someone brand new. Why can’t we be ourselves together?
2. Insecurity Kills: Why are you married to someone you continuously feel the need to check for? If you don’t trust them, should you be married? You guys didn’t establish the lack of trust prior to the marriage? Or did you and still decide to wed? I don’t get it.
I guess essentially I’m just pissed that I keep losing people because they get married and change entirely. Some things I definitely respect and and expect to be different, but I don’t expect you to be an entirely different person and for me to have to relearn who you are in order to remain a part of your life.
It seems people are way to concerned with the facade and idea of being married than they are what goes into it. I just never want to be married if it means I can’t laugh about the things I used to laugh about, put up a front about my feelings, lie to my family and friends, judge my single friends and tell them they don’t understand rather than explain, constantly prove my faithfulness or become mentally and or physically enslaved to someone because the bible says I have to honor them.
But I’m 23, and I don’t know shit. But as of right now, the marriages I see don’t like happy, the people I once were close with, we aren’t anymore and divorce is the first option rather than a last result.
I do pray daily that God changes my heart and that I personally am blessed with someone who will not change me, but love me for who I and desire to be a part of everything I love. I pray for wisdom and maturity as well. But right now, I just can’t see it if it means I lose myself.