B**** Don’t Kill My Vibe

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Ever since I decided to move, I’ve received more negative responses than support, more concern than care and more backlash than “I got yo back’s”. I’ve been getting responses like:

So, you got a job up there?
You going back to school up there or something?
You got a man up there? o.0
Un-unh, it’s too expensive up there.
I’ve been there before, you’re gonna hate it there.

and the worst of them all….

Everybody always tries to leave here. You’ll be back.

The church girl that some of them all know and love me to be has been saying:

Oh I’ll find a job when I get there. I might even transfer my current job. o.0
Yea, I do plan on going back for my Master’s; possibly this fall….for ______________________.
Yea, but the career I want is there. I can’t use my degree here.

But, here’s the REAL:

FCK YOU!!!! phew.

But seriously, God and I have discussed this move for the last 10 years of my life. This isn’t one of my sporadic decisions. This has been my dream for a very long time and I’m ready to live it without the negativity.

I think what bothers me the most is the fact that people don’t think I’m intelligent enough to have considered cost of living and the fact that I don’t necessarily have a solid plan right now. I’m stepping out on faith, which seems like something a lot of Christians talk about but don’t actually utilize.

I want out of the box I feel like I’ve been in my whole life. I want my freedom, my career and my growth and I’m going to go get it. I want to struggle. I want to fall flat on my face, get back up and try a new route on my own. I wanna wear my hair big, my lipstick loud and my tats and piercings freely. I want to work in the entertainment industry, make good money, meet all types of people, tell stories and hear them and be inspired by others. I want to set an example for my younger siblings and cousins who look up to me that there is more in the world. I want to be cultured. I want my children to grow up in a place where the opportunities are limitless. I want to wake up to the ocean breeze, go shopping on the Jersey Shore…not be on the stupid show.

And I could never explain why my heart and spirit is there…but I have to go find out. So, don’t kill my vibe and crush my dream. Just worry about and work on fulfilling your own. Don’t be afraid to step out on faith and start from the bottom. I have no kids and 0 attachments. My family is behind me. I have my God, my education and ambition…that’s all I need to get by.

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